Well, I am now on weekly appointments, but for baby, not me this time around!
Each week they will do a non-stress test (NST) where they hook me up with the belts and monitor baby's heart for a bit of time. I didn't know it was starting today and Colton was such a trooper while we chilled out for 20 minutes. He is not a tv/video kid, but thankfully sat with me and watched Cars this time. What a sweetie!
I am feeling great with the exceptions of heartburn and exhaustion. Although, I think the latter just comes with the territory of being a parent. We have had some head cold stuff going around here, so I will be grateful when I can breathe all night peacefully, too.
Other than that, I not much to report on. Which is such a blessing in itself. I can hardly believe this is what a "normal" pregnancy is like! Good thing it took 4 times, otherwise we might have a million kids by now :)
The only other thought I will leave those of you following this with today is a word: PERSPECTIVE.
I woke up the other night with a TERRIBLE dream/nightmare. It was so real and vivid, it took me a bit of time to realize it wasn't reality. B even said I was crying in my sleep. I dreamed that we had the baby and the baby didn't make it. It was quite early and weighed 3 lbs and they did all they could. I still can picture in my mind the moment in the dream where we just held baby and sobbed. It was so unfair.
On the birth boards I sometimes look at, there are parents who are debating terminating pregnancies due to medical concerns. I am still shocked at how many share they are terminating based on the diagnosis alone of DS. No other medical concerns. Just an extra chromosome. I just don't get it or agree with it. I know some who read this will not understand my perspective, and that is just fine, but my blog, my opinion, right?
This all leads me back to PERSPECTIVE. Last year Kate lost a classmate to secondary leukemia he developed after his battle with Neuroblastoma. Eli was a first grader and they discovered a large tumor when he 3 and a half. I have not personally talked with his parents much, but one thing I know from following their story is that they would not have traded the time they had with Eli for anything. I feel confident saying they would not have decided not to have him even knowing what lay ahead for their son and their family. They believed that Eli had a great purpose here on Earth. His journey was much shorter than I am sure they hoped for, but he accomplished incredible things here.
The message that comes to me is this: a life has a purpose and it is not ours to decide. Most decisions about parenthood and children do not come easy. I believe that is on purpose too. Our children are too important. They deserve our thoughtful decisions and time and efforts. They are where most of my learning honestly occurs in life and I cannot wait to see what life's lessons I am in for with this new little one's arrival. It also scares the crap out of me because I know my many faults will surface in this time, too. (as if they don't already!) Praying I can see it, or that some loving soul will, and I will grow too!
Our journey through a prenatal Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) diagnosis and beyond
I wish it were possible to recognize at the beginning of our life’s story what an incredible journey we are truly on. If so, I would have sat down years ago and begun documenting all the ordinary and extraordinary events in this amazing life I have been blessed with. Sometimes, though, it may take just one more thing to open your eyes into the beauty of the life you have led and causes you to pause and truly count the blessings that are now so many they will never be enumerated.
If you are just joining us, please go back to September 2012 to get caught up.